What’s Next, God?

I never even asked – what’s next, God? I just ran for easy goals, I graduated from high school with college credits, knowing that even though my artwork was chosen to be hung in the capital for a year, I would definitely not go to college for art. Then I graduated from nursing school in 2013 (because there was no calculus or physics) and immediately trained to work in the OR instead of going to med-surg first. What’s next? Upon residency graduation, I was deemed good enough to work nights and weekends. 4 months later, I began a master’s in nursing education degree and fell in love with research – at the same time, got sober and began training and fell in love with the weight room (and protein).

While working full-time on the weekends, training twice a week, working OT or PRN at other facilities, and attending concerts most weekends in the summer, I then applied and was accepted into the PhD program – I thought that might be the end. But no, I survived applying and accepting the biggest career jump in my professional life, by moving across the country alone during my PhD coursework. Even though I don’t have the best memory, 2019 is an unfathomable blur. I just learned to compartmentalize to a fault – a grievous fault. I felt like I wasn’t human anymore, what’s next?

After realizing just how much research can do to improve lifestyle (especially personal case studies), I went on a quest to realize what made my life better in 2015 – was it is the weight training, the sobriety, the protein, the sleep (or lack of), the concerts, the authenticity, the new tattoos, the new association, the lack of foam, the purpose of several goals, the distraction of school, or simply feeling less anxious? How could I even test that among other factors?

Thus, my dissertation was born out of passion and hate for anything that is less-than-stellar self-love and worthiness. Not arrogance, not in competition with others, but a genuine peace with myself that knew I was enough and still capable of so much more – but what’s next?

Finally, I was reintroduced to Jesus and found the best friend and confidant that I had been searching for for a long time. I went all-in with His plan – it’s all I know how to do.

Now I need everyone to feel the same as I do, regardless of their personal journey I know for a fact –

you are powerful beyond measure, dream limitlessly

you are capable of it all, decide what would make your heart sing

you are fearfully and wonderfully made, go do what God has called you to do